<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>and in a superficial world we found something by stainedgrey</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27845041">and in a superficial world we found something</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/stainedgrey/pseuds/stainedgrey'>stainedgrey</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Choi Beomgyu, Bottom Kang Taehyun, Comfort Sex, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Porn With Plot, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Top Choi Beomgyu, Top Kang Taehyun, established switching</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:33:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,499</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27845041</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/stainedgrey/pseuds/stainedgrey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>when too much becomes too much beomgyu breaks, afraid of the pressure the world piles on his back.<br/>mid sex he confesses the truth to taehyun, his perfect best friend, surprised to see he’s really not alone.<br/>please read the tags!! this isn’t suitable for everyone so read at your own risk.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>and in a superficial world we found something</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>please please read the tags!! this contains angst and suicidal thoughts, this isn’t for everyone. (there is a happyish ending tho!)</p><p>find me on twitter @redderpetals</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“it’s friday, gyu.” taehyun looks at his friend across the table, awkwardly in the middle of an indecently loud cafeteria.<br/>
“it’s still hyung to you, but yeah i know i’m not stupid.” beomgyu retorts.<br/>
“i didnt say you were... just reminding you.” taehyun mutters to him, jamming his fork into the grey mushy high school food.<br/>
fridays are the only days the two get to spend along together, mid april of their senior year they both were cramming for finals. neither had time for their normal antiques. but yeah, fridays. they had the whole evening.<br/>
taehyun was finally on off season for football and beomgyu’s small band was on a hiatus. so again, their friday’s were dedicated to each other. though you’d think the pair would be grateful, it was quite the opposite. neither acknowledged it, neither spoke up about the looming dark cloud consuming the once playful and honeymoon-like setting. taehyun was burned out, but lacked any resource to bring down his walls, gyu... well gyu was just... </p><p>/flashback/</p><p>“beomgyu let go!” taehyun shook violently, there was little he could do, as he was currently trapped under the weight of his best friend, beomgyu senselessly pistoning into him, hands detrimentally tight around his neck. it felt like gyu wasn’t there, his eyes were locked onto taehyuns, but it felt like looking at those of a corpse. taehyun choked in his hold, coughing up his own spit, pleading for his friend to realize. and just when the light began to close off,<br/>
“shit tae i’m- sorry- i-“ gyu stutters as his thrusts come to halt. his eyes immediately fill with tears.<br/>
“shit i’m so sorry-“<br/>
“it’s fine” taehyun coughs still slightly gasping for air, “hyung what happened?”<br/>
“i could have killed you-“<br/>
“no you wouldn’t have- gyu what happened?”<br/>
beomgyu doesn’t respond, he hops off the bed dressing faster than taehyun could say stop and running out the door.</p><p>/end of flashback./</p><p>they stand on the doorstep of beomgyu’s house, the burdens between them echoing in their ears.<br/>
“taehyun, are you sure you want this? i mean i’m not sure-“<br/>
“if i didn’t want it why would i be here?”<br/>
“i don’t know... guilt?”<br/>
and with that taehyun knows beomgyu’s broken over what happened, he knows his friend well enough to know he’s unable to move past last friday, despite how much they’ve talked about it.<br/>
“i’ll top today.” taehyun doesn’t wait for a response, instead opening the door and making his way to the latter’s room.<br/>
an hour later the room is corrupted with soft grunting and labored breathing. taehyun leans down, biting and marking the already stained area of beomgyu’s shoulders.<br/>
“doing so good for me, yeah? like it when you say you’re single but the hickies on your neck say otherwise.”<br/>
nothing, not a response, gyu looks lifeless again.<br/>
“gyu?” he just breaths, gripping taehyun’s arms that are soaked in sweat, the glisten emphasizing every vein. he stops.<br/>
“gyu? answer me!”<br/>
“i-“ tears fall, “i just... keep g-going... i’ll tell you.”<br/>
taehyun suddenly feels clouded with delicacy. “you sure we can stop and talk-“<br/>
“no. i said keep going” with small hesitation taehyun returns to fucking him, this time with no force, soft and precise thrusts, almost as if treating the other like he’s made of molding clay. something so malleable he can’t afford to distort.<br/>
“i’m failing most of my classes” gyu begins. “i cant focus on my assignments.” he hiccups on his words, unsure if a moan is lodged in his throat or the dryness of being overwhelmed. taehyun stares down at him, his hips keeping a slow and deep rhythm.<br/>
“my voice isn’t good enough, my dance isn’t-“<br/>
“stop that. you’re so talented hyung, i know-“<br/>
“but not... not enough for what the world wants-“ he pauses then breaks to a shout, “not enough. do you realize? i’m not what the world wants! i don’t have what it takes to make it!”<br/>
“make it to what? what society wants? you’re better that that gyu, can’t your see? cant you see that your life is /your/ life? your standards are for you to decide!” he circles his hips against beomgyu’s prostate, causing him to roll his eyes back and give a strangled moan.<br/>
what happens next catches tae off guard, gyu laughs. he laughs more than taehyun has heard him laugh in weeks.<br/>
“y-you really believe that? it’s so easy for you to say when you have everything! looks, skills, grades! you don’t know what it’s like to be worthless! you don’t know what it’s like to feel like… like you can’t make it in the fucking world! you don’t know what it feels like to have everything you need to be grateful yet still want to die!”<br/>
“gyu-“<br/>
“no! i’m tired! i’m burned out! and it keeps happening,” he sobs “i hate the world! it’s like the same goddamn day over and over and i’m just miserable! i’m jealous and envious and that taints my reflection in the mirror!”<br/>
taehyun’s tears fall onto his companions chest, his heart creating an irregular pace as he continues to fuck beomgyu.<br/>
“you’re selfish.” he closes his eyes. “beomgyu, but so am i. don’t you see me too? you say i have everything but your dumbass can’t see it’s a layer built by the society you so desperately hate. i have the qualities sure. but am i happy? do i want what the world says i should want? i don’t want a family, i don’t want kids, i don’t want a job, i fear commitment. it’s superficial. it’s like a never ending game until you quit. humans are said to have good and evil. but how do we prove it, gyu. where’s the good?” he kisses beomgyu. “how do we convince ourselves this world is worth it? how do i convince myself is worth it?!” the fucked out hazing expression adorning beomgyu’s face says enough.<br/>
“g-gonna cum t-tae.” he says in bliss softly. his orgasm leaves him cumming all over his chest. his release transporting taehyun into his, filling up gyu, while biting down on said man's neck.<br/>
he rolls over to the other side of the bed, closing his eyes and taking in large breaths to normalize his heart rate. after moments of peaceful recollection, beomgyu speaks up.<br/>
“taehyun, i don’t /really/ want to die. i’m just scared of living. i’m scared of the way i feel and the days i long for your touch horrify me.” he stares at the ceiling, a place so familiar to him.<br/>
“why?” taehyun shoots him a glance.<br/>
“i’m scared i’m in love with you. because you bring out a part of me that’s content, satisfied with the same day.”<br/>
“why... you know i’m in love with you too... you’re the one who rejected me in december...” taehyun watches the way beomgyu’s chest rises and falls.<br/>
“because. i’m filled with the evil in this world, like you had said. and the part of me that wants that unachievable spring day, represents the good you said we couldn’t prove. you give me life and that’s too much dependency and pressure to put on someone.” he turns to see taehyun tearing up.<br/>
“it’s the same with me gyu, but who’s to say that’s wrong? call it obsession, call it childish or even unhealthy! it’s still enough for me to pretend like the world isn’t tearing everyone apart and sticking us into broken pieces of the modern world. it’s pointless to worry about the safety of my heart, just like it’s pointless to think about what i want to do with my life. it’s fucked up but all i know is the pads of your fingers spark a deep rooted need in my soul to stay alive, to breathe another minute of this tragic place.”<br/>
“taehyun you’re really fucked up.” he laughs, intertwining his fingers with the smaller, “but you understand… it’s just what if i hurt you? what if i can’t control the envy that lurks in my nerves? taehyun i’m scared of myself.”<br/>
“i can’t change that, i don’t really care that i can’t change that. everything in this world hurts, so you dwelling on the what if’s is simply just pointless. it’s all pointless so why waste time worrying? why regulate it? why fight your evil when you could just build upon the good, or what could be a spring day? and if you said i’m your good then gyu, believe me, i want to spend every waking second with you.”</p><p>and just when beomgyu’s about to respond he kisses him. a small peck, a hand adorning his cheek, he whispers, “we’re so young and life is unpredictable, please just stay with me.”</p><p>“i don’t deserve you taehyun, it’s like you’re my really messed up soulmate.”</p><p>taehyun laughs, “same.” he pauses, “my soulmate.” </p><p>the words recolor the room, fixing what once was grey. it’s not disney movie though, it’s life. the struggles won’t stop, as though, neither will the good.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry... i was in a mood and wrote this in like 30 mins... i hope you’re getting by, who knows what the future has for us. maybe it had the spring day or the coldest winters... where ever you are and whatever you’re feeling just know you’re valid, this life isn’t easy, you’re brave just trying. even if it’s just 1%</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>